down and out... one hand out of commission

i can only type with one hand, wrist hurts, neck hurts, back hurts, leg hurts.  i miss work, i'm tired of hurting and feeling like a walking accident.  oh well... not a lot of choices left.   i've fallen off of my food plan and gained 6 pounds.  i really want to get back on track... oh well, soon, right?

It's been a rough week...

I had a fall at work on Tuesday and have had a rough week.  Injured my left arm which means one handed typing and time in a sling.  Thank goodness no broken bones, just bruising and swelling.

I've had no weight loss progress this week.   I gained two pounds and lost it again... but no real weight loss, which is really disappointing.   It's sure hard to maintain good spirits when the progress stops.  Physically I haven't been able to work out, I'm on pain meds and am having problems sleeping... which is why I'm writing this at 2:25 a.m.   It's so hard to stay on track when things are going sideways.  I'm also waiting for exam results for a really difficult course I took through work... to give you an idea, only 16% of the class passed the midterm... so you can understand my stress level waiting for the final exam results. 

Game plan: 
- accept that I have no control over what happens with my exam, pass or fail, what's done is done.  If I pass, that's wonderful.  If I fail, I can re-write.
- stay on top of my meds and try to keep my pain under control.
- rest, try to get some sleep

- take care of myself, especially when I feel down in the dumps, which for me mean have a shower, get dressed, eat from my meal plan... eventually things will come together.

- continue to write out my game plan, it really does help, sooner or later the weight will start to move again. 

- remember that my arm will heal, just needs a little time.

- deep breaths, one day at a time.

I'm having WHAT??

Another week, another week of meal planning... er... hmm... too busy to shop this weekend.  Didn't pack or plan anything ahead of time. I'm trying to make good choices from what's available, and working a 12 hour day (and commuting). 

Ok... we've been here before.  Let's see how we can make it work with what we've got.  The breakfast and 2-3 snacks I've got down pat. 

Today's lunch and dinner... how to make a healthy main meal when you haven't gone shopping?   Ok... what's available?   The only meat we have are smokies.  Hmmm.  
Tasty, sure... but they are pretty greasy and will hike my calorie count   Some leftover bagged salad... that works.   Make the best of a bad situation, 1/2 smokie with salad for lunch, cooked in the microwave and blotted with paper towel to soak up a lot of the grease.   Same thing for dinner.   Stick with my regular lunch and regular dinner.   The calories for the smokie are only about 300, the fat is up there at 26 grams of fat.  

Not the best day I've had, but certainly not the worst either.   I guess sometimes all you can do it so make the best choices out of what you have available.  The smokie was a good change of pace and sure made the greens a lot easier to choke down!!   Blotting the grease from the meat really does help. I've stayed away from the salad dressing today just thinking about the extra grease in the meat was more than I could handle.  

All things in sensible amounts and in moderation makes it a "real life" choice.

Promoting the Blog...

I'm really new to blogging, not sure how it all works yet but I'm trying to promote the blog... see if anyone else wants to share information about weight loss, read/review each other's progress... that kind of thing.

So I started trying to promote my blog in different places, my hope is that when someone searches in google, that they will be able to find my blog.   It's a weird feeling... a little bit like stepping out of a change room in a brand new bathing suit.   I'm feeling a little bit shy here... but what the heck...let's do it!!

My Sleeves are Getting Longer

Weird right?  

Now I'm the first to admit that I have a long way to go on my weight loss journey.  I've lost 30 pounds since my heaviest weight (22 since July 1st) and no one has noticed, except my husband - although who knows, he may just be playing along to keep the peace, smart man that he is.

I told a co-worker of my weight loss and she said she could really see it in my face... it reminds me of John Pinette's comedy routine where he lost 100 lbs and they told him the same thing.  He asks "How big was my head?  Was it the size of a manhole cover or something?"  I guess people are trying to be supportive when they say things like that.  

Oh well, nonetheless... while others may not be able to tell the progress that I am making, I'm really starting to see a change.   I am sleeping with only 2 pillows in the bed, like a normal person, I don't need to be propped up anymore.  I'm not getting heartburn and waking up in the middle of the night having to take Zantac or Pepto for relief.  I'm wearing a smaller pant size (already) and they are starting to feel loose too.   I was really surprised when  I put on a favorite nightshirt last night and noticed  that the sleeves are getting longer??  What the heck?   The sleeves are getting longer?  Weird right?  Sleeves don't get longer...  and then I realized... the sleeves aren't getting longer, I'm getting smaller!!  I had a couple of quiet, private tears as I chuckled to myself.  What a silly thing to cry about. 

Laughter through tears is one of my favorite emotions... my sleeves are longer!  I am still smiling.  

Lesson:  Enjoy the small changes.  
If we wait for the big ones such as people noticing or making a fuss, we may be waiting a long, long time.   If we rely on others to make us feel good, we may be sorely disappointed as they don't always know the kind of feedback that is helpful to us.  We need to find our positive self and the motivation inside ourselves.   Find the little joys, stay positive and keep your sense of humour. 

Check out John Pinette's video, he's wonderful... 

It's one of THOSE mornings...

I'm tired, I don't want to go to work, I don't want to have a shower, I don't want to move.  My arms hurt from hauling myself around in the wheelchair and I want to go back to bed.   Coffee isn't helping, although I'm too tired to drink it and I have a half a cup sitting there getting colder by the second.  I'm in a miserable headspace this morning.... now it's time to take 10 minutes to figure out why.  If I don't... who knows what kind of trouble I might get myself into today.

Ok... so yesterday I had to meet up with my husband at the pharmacy after work as he needed to get his prescription refilled.  We were then going to go out for dinner... this was at 8:45 pm by the time I got off of work and was able to meet him there.  I know my husband, he will agree to go out for dinner and then complain about the price, the food, that we could have made the same thing at home so much cheaper and so much better... I knew we were going down that road when he made a comment about the leftover lasagna in the fridge at home... years of marraige have taught me that this was the beginning of an evening of him complaining and me getting grouchy.  I knew it could lead to bickering and that there was the possibility of me making poor choices because I was tired and cranky.  Instead I opted to just go home... he was surprised, but I think he was secretly happy.  

The biggest mistake I made was coming home and just going to bed without dinner.   I was only a little hungry and I was super tired.   I didn't want leftover lasagna and I was too tired to make salad.. more salad... ugh for salad... I went to bed and he had leftovers.  He was mad at me anyhow... felt I was trying to punish him for making one little comment... whatever... maybe I was, maybe I was just making an educated guess based on past experience... maybe some of each.   More likely, I was sore and tired from the wheelchair and work.   I was cranky and being lazy.   This morning I'm still a little cranky and a little lazy.  These are two dangerous feelings for me, it leads to not caring and comforting myself with food.

Game plan...
I need a game plan... I need to get up and get ready for work, I need to pack a healthy lunch.  I need to make it through the day... and hopefully feel better while I'm doing it.  

Step one... my step one was to fall back on my base plan... don't eat or drink anything off of my food plan when I'm feeling like a miserable old crow. 

Ok... I had a hard boiled egg and a clementine (a small tangerine) with my morning coffee.   Now I'm starting to feel a little better... but still in a lousy mood... hmm.   I'll take my organic granola mixed with bran buds and my yogurt for snack, my 10 grapes and Baby Bell cheese,  my 10 almonds and banana... what can be for lunch?   Ok.  I'll get up off of my (comfy chair) and plan out my lunch, think about my dinner.   Figure out what to wear to work... ugh.   I want to be lazy, I want to take a short cut.. I want to get away with something... I want to be indulged.  Ok, I'll skip the shower and just wash up and do my hair... I don't do this very often, I'm a shower a day kinda gal.. but if I'm going to have a day where something goes sideways... I'll let it be the shower and plan out a nice relaxing bath tonight when I get home, relax in the bubbles tonight.  

So, to recap... I'm going to stay on my food plan, can't go off it on a bad day, can only treat on a good day.  I'm going to plan out some healthy foods for my day and toss in a pickle (on the plan, but I don't normally have one.) 
I'm going to indulge my mood (just a little) by skipping my morning shower.  I'm going to reward myself at the end of my day with a bubble bath.

Alright... I have a plan, now I'll get up, make a 2nd cup of coffee and pack my food for the day, get dressed and get on with it.  Deep breath and here we go.
Hugs.

Hey I've Got a Good Idea!

I find my biggest problem seems to be stress or pain. I find comfort in food and have used that to self-medicate my troubles away. I'm working on developing better habits and am learning to stop myself from eating while I'm upset or in pain.  I developed a game plan for myself that has been helping. 

When I go to reach for food that isn't on my daily plan or isn't at the right time of day, I make sure I double check how I'm feeling. My way of thinking is that if you saw a friend or family member doing something that might not be good for them, you would double check and ask if they are ok, right? Why can't we care about ourselves like that? Take a moment before ordering that cheeseburger and fries or having a chocolate bar, I am training myself to think it through... what's triggering this?  Did I drink water today? What's my pain level at? Am I upset, stressed, tired, bored or lonely? Am I truly hungry? Will a healthy snack do? If I still want the food that isn't a part of my food plan, I make myself wait about 20 minutes and I am usually able to postpone my craving and I put it "on the list" for a treat meal on the weekend. 

I've heard a lot of pepole say then have a "cheat meal" on the weekend, but I hate the way that sounds, it makes me feel like I'm doing something wrong... what a load of nonsense.  I prefer to think of it as a "treat meal" where I can completely enjoy my treat, I don't have to feel bad about having a meal that I love.  I will often choose two items for the weekend that I wouldn't normally have as a part of my regular food plan. I try not to have my two treats in the same meal so that I can keep my calories reasonable.  My main rule is that no binging is allowed.  I plan to really enjoy my treat.  This is not a binge or a cheat... those leave you feeling bad about yourself and take any of the enjoyment of the food.  If I'm selecting two treats, I will make sure that one isn't as calorie packed as the other to try and give some balance there. 

During the week, in my moments of cravings, I jot down food that I would love to have.  On the weekend I see no problem in selecting my favorite treat and incorporating this into my normal eating plan.  I will have my pulled pork sandwich with salad instead of fries.  If fries are my treat choice I would have them  as a "stand alone" treat where they are the main focus and I can enjoy each and every fry.  I like to make my main food craving my "treat focus" with or as my meal.   I allow myself to enjoy it, I allow myself to feel good about having the strength to be in control of my food choices.   I think of this as my win/win approach to food.  It's one day at a time, one meal at a time.  I stop once I am full (goes back to the "no binge" rule) and I never feel guilty.   This is my way to maintain control of my weekly food cravings and enjoying some of my favorite things... hey, it's got me to a 28 lb weight loss so far!

Back in the Saddle Again...

Can't seem to walk properly, the tendons got messed up from my series of cortisone shots... will take a week or two for the tendons to settle down and I should be right as rain.  Sure is sore in the meantime.  Oh well.  I have pain meds (which I hate to take) and I'm in a wheelchair for the next week or so.   I think this will take the stress off and it will give my leg a chance to recover.   Oh well... nothing can slow me down for long.  (I hope)   Off to bed to try and rest it up.   Food was in control today for the most part, so at least that's a good thing.   Looking forward to walking pain free... oh well, hopefully in a few days.

Dealing with Pain

I had to get cortisone shots in my ankle today to try to deal with the pain and stay mobile.  Having some problems though, it's crystalized and I'm having a lot of pain. 

My doctor has a resident with her and today the resident was trying to give the shot.  First the lidocaine and then the cortisone shots, the first one didn't work, the second one went into the bone and the third one was put in by my doctor in an area without any freezing.... not that the freezing worked for the first two as much as I would have hoped... but holy cow did that hurt.  When my doctor left the room to get a larger bandage, the resident confessed that it was the first time she had tried that.  I understand, I really do.  She is such a sweetheart, I'm glad she had the opportunity to learn and practice, but I'm really glad my doctor took over and finished the shot.  I had 5 injections all together  and I have to stay off of my feet for 48 hours and then it's only light activity for 2 weeks.   I was surprised I was in so much pain right from the start, could barely walk back to the car.  I suffer from cortisone flares where the cortisone crystalizes and it is ridiculously painful.   My doctor gave me a prescription for pain med, which I'm not fond of but I'm sure glad that I have them.  I'm on crutches and I may need a wheelchair for a week or so until it settles back down.  Ugh. 

Now my other problem is that I'm hungry, I didn't eat my full meals today because of work and that I was training someone this morning and didn't get my usual lunchbreak, a light dinner (because I was writhing in pain)... and now it's 11:41pm and I could go for a pizza with extra cheese.  Pitiful, eh?  Oh well... too late at night to eat, will have to wait until tomorrow.

This really truly is a pain. 

My Ducks are in a Row!

Just a quick check in to advise everything is on track! 

There were times I wasn't sure I was going to be ok, one day we had Burger King for dinner, but all in all, I stayed pretty much on track. On our Burger King night I had a fabulous steakburger with cheese for my dinner... but this is where I win... I only ordered the burger, I chose not to order fries or onion rings. That (for me) is fantastic. I did have 3 of
my son's fries and 4 of my husband's onion rings... but that is all. Normally I would have a large fry and at least 4 onion rings. Infact, my husband had to throw out about 6 onion rings as he was full. The old me would have "hoovered" them up without another thought.

This is real life compromise, and I am really excited about it. It is showing me that I can make these small but significant changes, maintain control and not feel as though I am sacraficing to the point where I want to chuck the whole thing. I can live with this!

Its always nice to have your ducks lined up, and to share another "feel good" moment!

Summer Saturday

It was a great Saturday. My walking friend and I decided to go to a nearby touristy town that is famous for an old fort and nearby boutiques & bistros. A visit, a walking tour, shopping and a nice lunch, we had a great day planned.

As a stroke of good luck, admission was free as it was Parks Day. We toured the fort and learned how to make our own whiskey barrels. Now if you are ever in need of a barrel to store your cranberries, salted salmon or whiskey... I've got it covered. The blacksmith was out, but we were able to stop into a mess hall and try some bannock, which is an interesting concoction made of flour, baking powder, salt, lard and water that is fried in a cast iron pan. A tiny taste and polite smile got me out of it, my friend loves bannock and I was more than happy to give up my share. We then toured the living quarters, the furs, documents, tools, gardens and livestock. We paused for some entertaining story telling about how life was “way back when”, It was a good walk and a fun experience.
We later went down to the park by the river to drink our water, cool off and rev up for the next leg of our day trip... onto the boutiques! As usual in a tourist town, you have an eclectic selection of shops to choose from the only thing they all had in common was the prices. Since when did things cost so much? We found a clothing store with some dressy t-shirts... I don't think I'm the only one that feels $168 is way too much to pay for a t-shirt with ribbon sewn on it around the neck.

We stopped for a late lunch; my friend enjoyed a cheeseburger and coke. I made a different kind of selection. I decided to have a mint chocolate-chip ice cream. I know... a person who is trying to lose a lot of weight, choosing ice cream for lunch? Yes, exactly that. I had made the decision that I can carefully and thoughtfully decide on a special treat (now and again). I should take all steps to be reasonable about it (i.e. not gorging or making a day long festival of eating) and enjoy exactly what I want prepared exactly the way I wanted it. I went up to the counter and confidently ordered my mint chocolate-chip waffle cone... mmmm I could hardly wait. When my "lunch" arrived, I tasted it like it was fine wine. My anticipation was mounting... and then blah. It wasn’t what my imagination wanted. I gave it a couple of more licks... tasted greasy and gritty somehow. Yuck. I told my friend who then asked me why I hadn’t picked the gelato place next door instead of ordering it at the hamburger joint we were sitting in. I headed for the door... stood in line at the gelato place and re-ordered a mint chocolate-chip waffle cone.... re-paid a king’s ransom for it... and yes... heaven at last. I returned to my friend who was balancing my abandoned dripping cone in one hand while trying to manage her cheeseburger in the other. After tossing the original cone, I sat back down and enjoyed my gelato. Ahh... life was good.

The way I see it... I don’t want to “cheat” on my food plan; I want my food plan to include special lunches like this. I want to enjoy all that life has to offer... including what might arguably be the best gelato on the planet. I consciously made the decision to enjoy my gelato. I wanted to really taste it, to love it until I reached the point when I felt a little full. I don’t think I was even quite at half-way on my cone when I decided that as wonderful as it was, it was enough. It was that simple. I felt empowered. I had exactly what I wanted, in exactly the right amount. I followed my food plan for the rest of the day. Everything in moderation, special treats now and again.

Lesson: Don’t deprive yourself of the special things in life. Recognize that to keep them really special, you can chose to have them only now and again, in quantities to satisfy, not overwhelm. Empower yourself in knowing that you can walk away, satisfied, happy and looking forward to the next time.

Time

So where does the day go?  When I sit down with my daytimer to plan out my day, it seems as though there are enough hours... 24 hours... seems workable... looks as though you can jam a whole lot into a day.  Today's trial run just didn't work out as I had hoped.  Back to the drawing board. 

Working overtime tomorrow... sigh.  1 hour to get ready for work, 1 hour commuting time to work, 12 hours of work, 45 minutes home (running tally 14 hours 45 minutes) dinner & prep/clean up time 45 minutes (15 1/2) ... sleep should only be 8 hours... so that adds up to 23 1/2 hours... I feel I should do something wonderful with that last 1/2 hour... yawn... something wonderful indeed.

So things are starting to come together...

Blogging is turning out to be great fun.  What a useful tool to help solidify my plans on my journey to lose weight and get organized to live the life I want to enjoy.  I've lost 10 lbs so far, and while that's a long way from my goal, it is a great start.  I didn't gain my weight overnight, and no matter how hard I wish... it's not going to disappear without a lot of hard work and dedication... which is where this blog comes in.  

I will be outlining my plans to organize my life.  There is so much I want to do, so much I want to be... but real life demands some attention.  Real life insists that I go to work everyday (commuting each way); real life insists that I do laundry, clean the bathrooms, grocery shop, pay bills and try to keep up with my very large family.  

I started writing out a plan to organize myself but I discovered that I needed to do a little thinking and a little dreaming of what kind of life I want to live. 

My wants and needs aren't grand; I have a lovely life... I wouldn't trade it for the world... but I would like to fine tune it.   I would like to make my home feel like a fabulous B&B, the kind you never want to leave.   I want friends and family to feel welcome to put up their feet and relax, share a meal, some wine and great conversation.   I want to lose weight, a lot of weight.  I think it will really help ease the pain in my leg, which will greatly enhance my life.  I want to be healthy and fit.  I want to keep up with my grandchildren and dance with my husband.  I want to wear the beautiful clothes that I see but can't buy.  I want to love every moment of this wonderful life I've been given. 

So now the work begins.  I've set up my blog, and while it is like me, a work in progress, I think I'm ready to define my goals and write up my roadmap on how to get to my destination.   The next couple of weeks will be long and arduous... and totally worth it. 

Monday... someone please pry this pastry away from me

Ok, so this is Monday. 
The day I am to start on this weight loss journey... blah, blah, blah...
I suddenly have a craving for, well... pretty much for anything.  Yes, this is my dark side, the side that sabotages my plans and my weight loss efforts.  In a way, it's the perfect time to start a new and healthier life-style.  The monkey on my back can peek over my shoulder to see what I am doing... and with any luck he'll grab the cherry strudel out of my mouth and hit me over the head with it.

Ok... now onto making my lists of goals and figure out how to achieve them.

Simple right?

Put Your Heart into It

A while ago I was looking for a new and clever Facebook status message when I came across a "Confucious Says" site. I know we've all heard of these sayings and have likely used them ourselves a time or two - or at least confused them with the Forest Gump type quotes, such as "Life is like a box of chocolates..."

As I began to read, I began to think... no wonder these sayings have been around so long, they have as much relevance today as they did back then. Confucious, the great philosopher, wrote "Wherever you go, go with all of your heart".

I repeated it to myself a few times "Wherever you go, go with all of your heart... Wherever you go, go with all of your heart..." and I realized that he was talking about engagement, a common catch phrase in today's world. The Webster's dictionary defines engagement as "that which engages or engrosses the full attention of..."

We love our families and friends. We are intelligent, caring, hardworking people... but are we engaged? Do we practice engagement? Do we go with all of our hearts?

Often times, we tend to go through the days in a blur of distraction and haste. We rush through our mornings, get the kids dressed and fed - out the door to school; co-ordinate dinner, daycare and dental appointments with the husband - cross it off the list. Race around, get things done at home, plan the grocery shopping and errands while in the shower, drive to work while mentally preparing for a meeting and later spend our evenings absentmindedly making dinner, just to get it over and done with so that we can put the kids to bed and collapse in state of exhaustion.

And life quietly slips by us.

Wherever you go, go with all of your heart. Be engaged. Take the time to live in the moment, without distraction, without hurry. Pay attention to what you are doing, while you are doing it. Give your full attention to the people you are interacting with, whether it is your children, spouse, co-workers, or customers. Enjoy your life and the people in it. Pay attention.

As I shut off my computer, my Facebook Status reads:

"Show up for your own life, and put your heart into it."